Dustin Thomas Schauer

This year has been great so far. My best friend, Devin introduced me to this absolutely wonderful guy. His name is Dustin. We met for the first time three weeks ago and we've been dating for almost two weeks now :) it makes me so happy knowing that not all guys are the same. He's amazing and in my eyes he's perfect. I haven't been this happy in over a year. I'm so thankful Devin introduced us.

146

I have 146 days to lose 80lbs. I can do it. I want to be skinny by the time I graduate. I know I can do this. I've already lost 10lbs. :)

Happiness is only a tear drop away.

After all these months of loving and hating and missing the guy I had fallen hardest for I believe it's safe to say that I am finally free. He's not my best friend anymore. He never really was I guess. A best friend doesn't make you want to commit suicide or hurt and use you. A best friend helps fix you when you're broken, make you laugh when you feel like crying, knows you like the back of your hand. He was never any of that. He never will be either. I Feel better knowing that it's finally over. It's been a long and terrible eight months. My puppet strings are finally gone and I'm proud to say that I am almost happy again. New year, new me. I'm definitely hoping for the best :)

Welcome 2011..

Oh how a pain in the ass 2010 was! I'm happy the year is changing. I'm not happy that I wasted a whole year on him though... A friend of mine finally said something to him... She thought I would be mad but I'm not. He was my sweetest downfall and what I called my best friend. Best friends don't use each other and hurt the other until the point of being suicidal. I loved him. My world revolved around him. I just want to be happy again. This mark of the new year I choose to change. I may forgive too much but he'll always be my friend. I don't want a relationship with him. I don't really want anything to do with him right now. I don't hate him. I just don't want to hurt any longer. I'm only human. So, I'm bringing in the new year without him. Without false hopes and without hurt. 2011 will be different. :)

And so, I wait..

I wait for answers.
I'm confused and left standing every time.
Yet, I wait for him.

And out came words.

ITS SNOWING!!! Wow. The day it snows WOULD be the day that someone finally listens to me. :) I'm not complaining though. It felt good to finally cry and be able to speak.

What should I write?

I haven't written much lately. I should be happy about a LOT of stuff but, I just can't think straight I guess. I won grand prize in the annual Christmas card contest, my best friend has started talking to me again, and I won most considerate for my senior superlative. But yet, I can't be completely happy at all. Its really weird. I got this HUGE blue bow for my Christmas card being the grand prize and my picture in the newspaper and everything. For once people are seeing me for what I'm good at. For doing what I love to do. I drew out the marionette because that was how i felt. But the marionette was abused for so long that she knows noting else. Yet again she drags herself back to his strings... oh well. At least my best friend is talking to me again... The girl best friend. Not the guy.